Herman by Jim Unger for March 08, 2024

the one who didn’t come yet

Splitting headache? Take two aspirin and check in tomorrow…

What Excedrin headache # would that be?

We called the police, you stole that axe

Charles got the point, and swore he’d never forget his Anniversary again.

“Oh, very funny. And I suppose your name is ‘Monty Python’?”

A new reality series-" scalping gone wrong "

Did she really have to axe?

No blood? You can wait.

It’s just a flesh wound. Fortunately there’s no vital organ there.

He’s dating Lizzie Borden

“Which of you gentleman is the unfortunate stunt double from ‘Watchmen”?

the guy named No-Chance Noonan, sitting in the front row, Dummy.

No. Who’s on first.

“It only hurts when I laugh.”

That would be meeeeeeeeee

“We’ll, just off the top of my head…”

“The guy over there, with the strange rash and the hacking cough.”

She’ll take the guy in the tan suit. It’s a federal offense to wear it.

Little issues elude her.

He’ll still have to take a number, like anybody else

Me. I have a really bad splinter in my finger.

I’m sensing some impatience in the out patients. “Careful with that axe, Eugene!”

the nurse has this questioner for me every time I go in to the office "do you feel safe at home?’

Out of hundreds of comics on internet syndicate sites, Herman is one of the few dependably funny ones. Most are just sawdust.

Should’ve told them he was having a heart attack.

Now, if you have your insurance card, photo ID, three credit cards, deed and title to your house and car, let’s start filling out that paperwork, shall we?

Get him first. I’m afraid mine may take a little while so let’s get the other people out of the way first.

First fill out these 10 forms.

That’s either a member of congress or the house. Nothing up there to injure.

The one with the splitting headache.

“I was cleaning it, and it went off.”